Beauty is Pain

Hey,havent posted in a while...not doing very well at the moment, im great throughout the day,just drinking green tea and water all day and thats it, then it comes to night time an i just eat,eat eat....i exercise when i can too, im blaming it on the no money situation, so when i have money i can buy my own food and it will juts be vegetables and fruit, so when i do eat i eat something without any cals...i also have a new job YAY FOR ME, and its in nursing home and im working 12hours a day and i dnt take lunch with me so i dnt have 2 eat, bt then i juts get hme and eat..gay....i've still gt 2 weeks left till i have 2 reach my goal weight, and then when i gt paid im going to join the gym aswell!! yay!!! tht will help loads!!!Best go,
Think Thin!!!!!!xxxx

So i havent been this depressed in ages!
I found out the other day that my x boyfriend who dumped me is now shagging and seeing this girl frm my old work that made me quit my job bcuz she kept spreading loads of shit to the managers about me, so i quit! and i had worked there 3 and hlf years!!!fuckin slutty bitch!!! and he said he still cared about me! what fuckin crap! so i went on a depression thing on saturday night where i just got completely drunk and pulled some random minger,just as everything was going alright with me! this happens and fucks everything up for me again! nobody cares about me, no lads have text me bk or n e thing! im starting to think that maybe i am just as worthless as people seem to treat me!!!
I am just some fat insecure mess that no-one will ever love or even like....

I want to be perfect! I can't handle people looking at me anymore and thinking "errr what a fat disgusting pig!"...but its hard you know, with all this food around!
I hate it!
My boyfriend would have never dumped me if i was skinny! Its his fault im like this!! He makes me fat and disgusting then just kicks me to the curb! I hate men!! There horibble!!! Hate them hate them hate them!!!
Its a bad day 2day, i tried just eating the stupid soup and it dusnt work i havent lost any weight yet!! Thats it!!!
I am not eating anything today!!!!!!!!! Never again!!! Food= fat and disgusting!!! No food= skinny and perfect!!!!

So hey!!!
I wish i had never gone out on saturday night, It just causes more hassle than its worth...not only was i drinking alcohol with loads of cals in, and the binging on greasy disgusting food when i was drunk..then yesterday i had a minging hangover and gave in and ended up eating a fishfinger sandwhich!!! and some oven chips!!! went to bed hating myself....cudnt even puke it back up because all my house mates were in and they think something is up anyway!!!!gay as!!!!
So i want to look absaloutely gorgeous for halloween so i just have to keeo thinking about that instead of food that i want!!
Today in total i have eaten....a can of weightwatchers chicken noodle soup which is 60 cals!!!!!how good is that!!
and a slice of bread 100 cals...and now im just on the green tea!!!doing well..i have college in 30mins so tht should keep my mind off food for a bit!
Im not going to weigh myself until the end of the week and if i havent lost 5 pounds i am not going to be happy!!!
bye for now..xx

ps.also got myself a job handing out leaflets...so no time for eating!!yay!!!

Hey, so first entry, well what to say what to say...so i went out lastnight and got quite a bit drunk...but i pulled like the fittest guy in the entire world....like ever!!!!! Me and my house mates are like totally in love with him!!! Beautiful boy! Haha...
But he's only txt me once and i txt him bk and he hasnt txt me bk so im kinda..hmmm..what to do?
ne way.
I will start off with my weight now everytime i write 145lbs,eekk i knw,im a right fatso!!its disgusting, today i started eating a cuppa soup, but halfway through i decided not to,and left it. Im being really really strong i could eat at the moment but im not!!
In a minute im going to do some crunches..i did 30 yesterday,i want to do more than that today. Then 2moro i want to go for a jog.Have to get up really early tho, im meant to be going to this boys house 2night, but i have to drive there and he lives 40mins away, where i come from. N i can't be bothered and he wants to get a take away and i can't eat that! I can't eat anything, so im not going to go, but i havent told him yet. Im not even dressed,im in my pj's and dressing gown...haha o well..
Bye for now...will update soon.xx